Only Joking

Best of the footie jokes doing the rounds

After leaving home to go and play for Spurs, Gareth Bale moved into an apartment block in London, You would think with all the money he earns he'd live somewhere nice but, according to Martin Atkinson "it's a dive".

Newcastle have been asked to find a new shirt sponsor as Virgin don't want to be associated with a team that has been well and truly f***ed.

What time do Aston Villa kick off?
Every 10 minutes

The last 3 Sports Personality of the Years have been won by people who sit down for a living,
Michael Owen is already favourite for 2013.

... and the Fergie / RVP ones

It's a good job that Cameron Jerome didn't score his wonder goal against Man Utd.
Sir Alex Ferguson would have had him arrested for attempted murder.

98 years ago, the Germans and British troops brought a temporary ceasefire to the Great War and had a game of football out in no-man's land.
The fighting resumed when somebody was killed after being hit on the head with the football.

I can't wait to play Footballers Cluedo,
I bet it was Ashley Williams in The Liberty Stadium with The Ball.

Alex Ferguson says that Robin Van Persie could have been killed when Ashley Williams kicked the ball at his head.
Just like the time a fan head butted Eric Cantona's foot.

Sir Alex Ferguson defended his decision to leave Van Persie on the bench for today's match in the rain claiming "The boy could have drowned".

Premier Predictions (Week 21)

These prediction comps have taken over at the moment, so here are next weeks midweek games due to be played on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Next weekend is the FA Cup 3rd round, so sticking with tradition I'm not going to touch those (unless ALL of you want to?).

Tuesday
West Brom v Fulham
Man City v Stoke
Swansea v Aston Villa
Tottenham v Reading
West Ham v Norwich
Wigan v Man Utd
Southampton v Arsenal

Wednesday
Chelsea v QPR
Liverpool v Sunderland
Newcastle v Everton

Merry Christmas Everybody

Premier Predictions (Week 18, 19, 20)

Sorry for the lateness fellas, been a week from hell.
So here's a 3 in 1 post to cover the Christmas periods games as we've all probably got better things to do next week :)
Will hopefully post the new year games next week.

As always just need your predictions before the kick offs, so don't have to do all 3 sets yet if you need some thinking time :)


Week 18 - Dec 22nd/23rd

Wigan v Arsenal
Man City v Reading
Newcastle v QPR
Southampton v Sunderland
Tottenham v Stoke
West Brom v Norwich
West Ham v Everton
Liverpool v Fulham
Swansea v Man Utd
Chelsea v Aston Villa

--------------------------

Week 19 - Dec 26th

Arsenal v West Ham
Everton v Wigan
Fulham v Southampton
Man Utd v Newcastle
Norwich v Chelsea
QPR v West Brom
Reading v Swansea
Sunderland v Man City
Aston Villa v Tottenham
Stoke v Liverpool

--------------------------

Week 20 - Dec 29th/30th

Sunderland v Tottenham
Aston Villa v Wigan
Fulham v Swansea
Man Utd v West Brom
Norwich v Man City
Reading v West Ham
Stoke v Southampton
Arsenal v Newcastle
Everton v Chelsea
QPR v Liverpool

Easy Target

Torres and Chelsea are just too easy to poke fun at so let's piss off some scousers instead :)

 When Brendan Rodgers said he thought Liverpool could finish second I didn't realise he meant in every game.

Don't worry Liverpool fans, I'm sure that when Brendan Rodgers gets the sack Rafa will be available again.


Stewart Downing has said that he has been told by Liverpool that he can leave the club if he wants to, surely a more suitable punishment for his bad form is to let him stay.

Things are finally looking up for Liverpool, a new TV deal has left Brendan Rogers with money to spend in January, live games will now be shown on Comedy Central.

Premier Predictions (Week 17)

Just 9 games this week as Chelsea are off to Japan for the week,
games on Saturday Sunday and Monday.

Newcastle v Man City
Liverpool v Aston Villa
Man Utd v Sunderland
Norwich v Wigan
QPR v Fulham
Stoke v Everton

West Brom v West Ham
Tottenham v Swansea

Reading v Arsenal

Premier Predictions (Week 16)

A bonus game this week and 4 days worth of fixtures to keep the tension going :)

Arsenal v West Brom
Aston Villa v Stoke
Southampton v Reading
Sunderland v Chelsea
Swansea v Norwich
Wigan v QPR

Man City v Man Utd
Everton v Tottenham
West Ham v Liverpool

Fulham v Newcastle

Sunderland v Reading

FA Cup 3rd Round

Man Utd at home ..... Bring it on :)

Accrington Stanley or Oxford U v Sheff Utd

Aldershot v Rotherham or Notts County

Aston Villa v Ipswich

Barnsley v Burnley

Barrow or Macclesfield v Cardiff

Blackburn v Bristol City

Bolton v Sunderland

Brighton v Newcastle

Bury or Southend v Bradford or Brentford

Charlton v Huddersfield

Cheltenham or Hereford v Everton

Crawley v Reading

Crystal Pal v Stoke

Derby v Tranmere

Fulham v Blackpool

Hull v Alfreton or L Orient

Leeds v Birmingham

Leicester v Burton

Lincoln or Mansfield v Liverpool

Luton v Wolves

Man City v Watford

Middlesbro v Harrogate or Hastings

Millwall v Preston

Nottm Forest v Oldham

Peterborough v Norwich

QPR v West Brom

Sheff Wed v MK Dons

Southampton v Chelsea

Swansea v Arsenal

Tottenham v Coventry

West Ham v Man Utd

Wigan v Bournemouth

4 All Premiership games and difficult aways for another 7 means half of them could be missing on 4th round day, at least 4 non leaguer's also guaranteed a spot.

Mitchell Cole R.I.P

Sadly another footballing death, with the news that former West Ham, Grays, Southend and Stevenage player Mitchell Cole has died from heart problems at the age of only 27 :(

Mitchell made a bit of a name for himself in my local area as part of Grays Athletics golden generation with players like Michael Kightly, Freddie Eastwood, Aaron McLean and Gary Hooper.
He signed for Southend in 2005 following Eastwood and had a good first season helping Southend into the Championship but then struggled to hold a place and signed for Stevenage.

Although sharing the Cole name he was actually Joe Cole's brother-in-law partnered with Joe's sister.
Personally I haven't met him but my youngest son knew him quite well from his Southend days.

West Ham v Chelsea

Hoping and praying for a decent performance today as it's been a few years since we used to expect 3 points against the blues.
Things haven't started well, Andy Carroll is out for a couple of months with a knee injury and Mo Diame has been left on the bench?
Cahill plays in Chelsea's defence instead of their usual weak link Luiz, and Torres despite looking like a fat lump lately usually performs against us.
Also I fear the worst for refereeing decisions with well known Chelsea fan Martin Atkinson in the middle :(

Edit: Half time
Chelsea looking more confident than recently, we are missing Diame but Cole is playing reasonable.
Typically Torres looks more lively than he has in ages and lays on a goal for Mata :(
Atkinson is looking after his boys calling a foul on Collins for leaning on Ivanovic before Nolan scored while missing all the shirt pulling by Chelsea defenders.
Cech comes out of his area and handballs but only gets a booking, when it's a 100% sure it would of been a red card if Jussi had done it.
Hoping for better things in the second half as we really haven't performed yet and I feel Chelsea are there for the taking :)

Edit: Second half:
Cech pushes Nolan in the back so result = foul on Cech?
GOAL!! Cole scores and amazingly we get a reffing decision as it did look like a foul on Ivanovic especially with this ref.
Chelsea are bringing their top diver on so expect a few penalty claims.
GOAL!! Super Mo from a Cole cutback, Carlton is having his best game in ages.
GOAL!! Dreamland :)

3-1 Brilliant second half performance, Mo Diame was awesome, Carlton was brilliant, Jussi and Collins did the business at the other end :)
Only good news for Chelsea fans is that Rafa might be gone by this time tomorrow?? :)