Premier Predictions

One game next week on Wednesday, so I'll lump that in with the following weekends games and post them over the weekend.
FA Cup this weekend :)

More Jokes

The Robin Van Persie tea tray is selling well in the Arsenal club shop.
Apparently it can carry 10 mugs.

Breaking News: The FA have handed Andy Caroll an eight-game run in the Liverpool first team - The club are set to appeal.

John Terry is delighted with yesterday's win at Wolves.
He's always liked the Black Country, it contains two of his favourite syllables.

Paris St Germain are hopeful to land Carlos Tevez by offering him a lucrative deal and the chance to play a lot closer to his home, the Notre Dame Cathedral.

Plastic surgeons have revealed that one of the faulty, expensive French breast implants imported to the UK is actually a faulty, expensive Spanish tit imported to Chelsea.



That will probably get me into trouble!!

Transfer Rumours

Today's rumours seem to be that we are going to sign yet another Spud reject Vedrun Corluka on loan, and possibly Doncaster's Billy Sharp.

Corluka looked a good player when at Man City but seems to have disappeared since signing for Tottenham? if he can still show the form of old he could be a good signing but the fact he is coming from Tottenham always makes me suspicious.
Also I have one bigger reason to hate him, a few years back when he was at City they were playing a midweek game which was the last match of the month, I was playing Telegraph fantasy football and stood 2nd in the monthly points table just a few points behind the leader, I thought I'd pulled the masterstroke by putting Stephen Ireland into my team before kick off who went on to score the only goal of the game,
also I had 3 City defenders including Corluka. When I checked the table the next day I found I had lost by one point, due to Corluka picking up an 88th minute booking costing me 2 points :(
The winner got £1000, finishing 2nd I got £50 so Corluka cost me £950 .... bastard.

Billy Sharp looks a good striker but I guess we will miss out as we do with most players we try to sign, maybe we could make a cheeky offer for his former Scunthorpe team mate Gary Hooper who is doing the business at Celtic :)
Incidentally the Barnsley scum who gave Sharp the abuse about his son on Monday deserve a good kicking :(

Turning Point?

A nerve wracking end, but a 1-0 win over Coventry got the job done :)
But a quick look at the other results shows how important it could be? Southampton hammered by Brighton and their top scorer Ricky Lambert sent off :)
Middlesbrough smashed 3-0 by Blackpool, Hull lost at home and only Cardiff manage a win by beating challengers Reading so all in all a really good day :)

New Year, New Jokes

Best ones I've heard so far :)

Breaking News: Robin Van Persie out for 2 months with a back injury due to carrying the full Arsenal team.

More breaking News: Blackburn manager Steve Kean sends message of support to Alex Ferguson.

1st January 2012 00:00:01
and Emile Heskey has already matched his goal tally for 2011.

Police are questioning Alex Ferguson about allegations that he attempted to strangle a fat woman yesterday.

I was in the pub last night, talking to this fella about New Years resolutions. He looked visibly upset as he told me about how he failed the five goals he had set himself last year.
I put my arm around him and said "Never mind Fernando, there's always 2012"

Now is not the time to poke fun at Russell Brand, he's suffered a terrible tragedy and he should be left alone to suffer in silence, he's probably feeling embarrassed and ashamed .... I mean, after all, losing to Derby County.

More breaking News: Liverpool players to wear one-finger gloves in support of Luis Suarez.

I've got a trial soon at Man United to see if I'm good enough for Alex Ferguson .... It's the biggest day in any young referee's career.

Woman goes to the doctors and says "everytime I pull my knickers down, my fanny keeps whispering City are going to win the league this year" Doctor says, don't worry about it love, there's a load of cunts in merseyside been saying the same thing about liverpool for the last 21 years.


----- Edit ------

In honour of all those people that keep posting comments on this topic, here are a few jokes which should be right up your street :)

Alan Pardew has told his Newcastle United players to forget all about the club's new sponsorship deal with Wonga.com.
He's told them to just get on the pitch and give it 4235%.

To celebrate their new sponsor of Wonga, Newcastle united are to have special offers on drinks at the next home game £2 a beer before the game £8 at half time and £6000 at full time.

Newcastle United are reported to have struck an £8m shirt sponsorship deal with Wonga.
However, they will have to pay back £20m a month later.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year all :)
Obvious hopes for the new year are the Hammers back in the prem with a team capable of staying there, and promotion for Southend.
As far as the Prem is concerned I'd go for a Man U win just to piss off the Scouses, although if they keep losing to teams like Blackburn it will probably be City.
Hopefully England can make us proud in the Euro championships or at least look like a team for a change.
It would be nice if an English team could beat Barcelona to win the Champions league, even Chelsea :)
Unlikely wishes - administration and relegation for Tottenham and Liverpool, West Ham to win the FA Cup, and England to win Euro 2012.

Anyway good wishes and good health to all :)

Forgot About Him

It seems every single time this season that the Hammers have a chance to go top they blow it?
Although they had to win by 5 today it wasn't impossible as we had won there 5-0 the last time we played them, but once again if Southampton drop points so do we, it seems that Fat Sam doesn't want us to hit the top until the last gasp.
Injuries and suspensions didn't help today with most of the first team missing but we still should have had enough to overcome a poor Derby team.
The problem now is that Middlesbrough have hit form and should overtake us later in the day and Cardiff are closing in as well, a few weeks back the top two were well clear.

I didn't see any prediction of forgotten man Frank Nouble making the team today, and even if we had all remembered he was back with us after multiple loans you couldn't see why we needed yet another tall centre forward when Cole, Carew and Piquionne were all fit and little man Baldock was back from injury, but I suppose anyone is better than Piquionne and Carew at the moment.
Maybe those two should be sent off to Gillingham or Barnsley to learn how to score again, so welcome back Frank.
As for the transfer rumours there are too many to mention, one I like the sound of is the possible Zamora/Cole swap although Cole is probably the best of the big men we have up front I can't help feeling a Zamora and Baldock frontline would be pretty good.

Premier Predictions (Week 20)

Better post these now as the next set of games starts on Monday!!
The freaky results are making this a lottery so good luck Longy :)

Monday 2nd January 2012
Aston Villa v Swansea
Blackburn v Stoke
QPR v Norwich
Wolves v Chelsea
Fulham v Arsenal

Tuesday 3rd January 2012
Tottenham v West Brom
Wigan v Sunderland
Man City v Liverpool

Wednesday 4th January 2012
Everton v Bolton
Newcastle v Man Utd

I Hate Rumours

I was told today the Hammers are looking at signing yet another Tottenham reject Giovani Dos Santos!!
Hopefully it's just a vicious rumour designed to piss us all off, but my source was an avid Hammers fan so I don't know?
The trail of crap we've signed from Shite Hart lane is long, while they continue to pick up all our stars at bargain basement prices.
Surely our current position, along with being one of ten best supported teams in the country and having a respected manager should be enough to attract some decent players to Upton park? rather than whatever player Redknapp is trying to get shot of.

Emile

Poor old Emile Heskey, always a figure of fun.
Should have been a great player but it never really happened?
Here's a nice lttle tribute vid I found.

Merry Christmas Everyone

Merry Christmas to all, no matter which team you follow :)
Especially Longy for being a loyal supporter of this blog :)

Premier Predictions (Week 19)

Early post for games starting next Friday.
I'm back at work on Wednesday :( but if your having a proper Christmas Longy you might be too pissed to remember this next week :)

Friday 30th December 2011
Liverpool v Newcastle

Saturday 31st December 2011
Man Utd v Blackburn
Arsenal v QPR
Bolton v Wolves
Chelsea v Aston Villa
Norwich v Fulham
Stoke v Wigan
Swansea v Tottenham

Sunday 1st January 2012
West Brom v Everton
Sunderland v Man City

Premier Predictions (Week 18)

Here's the Boxing day and Tuesday fixtures.

Monday 26th December
Chelsea v Fulham
Arsenal v Wolves
Bolton v Newcastle
Liverpool v Blackburn
Man Utd v Wigan
Sunderland v Everton
West Brom v Man City
Stoke v Aston Villa

Tues 27th December
Swansea v QPR
Norwich v Tottenham

The Arsenal and Chelsea games might be switched to Tuesday due to the tube strike?

Premier Predictions (Week 17)

Getting this one in early, these are next weeks pre-Christmas games.

Tuesday, 20 December
Wolves v Norwich
Blackburn v Bolton

Wednesday, 21 December
Aston Villa v Arsenal
Man City v Stoke
Newcastle v West Brom
Everton v Swansea
Fulham v Man Utd
QPR v Sunderland
Wigan v Liverpool

Thursday, 22 December
Tottenham v Chelsea

Premier Predictions (Week 16)

The games come thick and fast over the next few weeks so I've split them up and will post them 10 at a time.
Week 16 - Saturday 17th and Sunday 18th
Week 17 - Tuesday 20th to Thursday 22nd
Week 18 - Monday 26th and Tuesday 27th
Week 19 - Friday 30th to Sunday 1st January
Week 20 - Monday 2nd to Wednesday 4th January

Here's this weeks (week 16)

Blackburn v West Brom
Everton v Norwich
Fulham v Bolton
Newcastle v Swansea
Wolves v Stoke
Wigan v Chelsea

QPR v Man Utd
Aston Villa v Liverpool
Tottenham v Sunderland
Man City v Arsenal

What A Bad Week

The Hammers lose 2 on the trot but even after Saturday's disaster I'm still confident we can get promotion, But my local side Southend have had the week from hell :(
Going into the Johnson's paint semi final at home to Swindon last week they had a record equalling 17 games without defeat, a record equalling 5 straight away wins in the league and were also top of the table, and faced a replay in the FA Cup which if they won meant a trip to Anfield in the 3rd round.
7 Days later and 3 defeats see them out of 2 cup competitions and off the top of the league.

Last weeks 2-1 defeat at home to Swindon was harsh after leading especially as if they had won only Barnet stood in the way of a Wembley final (which I'm sure I could have got a ticket for), Saturday was a terrible performance at Cheltenham which saw a 3-0 defeat and a drop to 2nd in the league.
Tuesday's cup defeat at Oldham was a shame as a trip to Liverpool was there for the winner and up until Mohsni's sending off Southend were bossing the game.
Bilel Mohsni (pictured) rarely has a dull game, he is mainly a centre back but in 23 appearances this season he has played nearly everywhere, he's got 5 goals this term and always loks a handfull upfront but the guy is a total loose cannon :(
In the pre-season friendlies he was given a "final warning" and told to attend anger management as he lost the plot and got sent off again.
Last night after his 5th sending off in a season and a half at Southend it looks like it was the final straw, according to a friend who was at the game the whole team rounded on him in the tunnel at the end and manager Paul Sturrock accused him of costing the club £200,000 for missing out on the Anfield tie, also the story goes he was last seen outside Oldham's ground asking directions to the station?

Premier Predictions (Week 15)

This weeks "how many will Longy beat me by" competition :)

Arsenal v Everton
Bolton v Aston Villa
Liverpool v QPR
Man Utd v Wolves
Norwich v Newcastle
Swansea v Fulham
West Brom v Wigan

Sunderland v Blackburn
Stoke v Tottenham

Chelsea v Man City

Socrates

RIP Socrates :(

Another footie death although this one not as much of a shock as Gary Speed.
Socrates was the captain of the Brazilian team in the early eighties which was probably the best team not to win the World Cup.
I remember watching the World cup of 1982 when it looked like they were going to eclipse the Brazilian team of 1970 until they came up to the Paolo Rossi inspired Italians.
Socrates even in his peak was supposed to have been a 50 a day ciggie man, which was always an inspiration for all us smokers out there though his early death maybe proves it shouldn't be!! although it seems a lot of his recent health problems had been more down to alcohol and the final straw was actually food poisoning.
So the only certain thing in life is death :(

Premier Predictions (Week 14)

Back to the predictions game :(
I'm on the losing streak from hell and this lot probably won't break it.

Newcastle v Chelsea
Blackburn v Swansea
Man City v Norwich
QPR v West Brom
Tottenham v Bolton
Wigan v Arsenal
Aston Villa v Man Utd

Everton v Stoke
Wolves v Sunderland

Fulham v Liverpool

You can have first go Longy, I promise not to play for the draw :)

A Brucie Bonus

Now I can stop hating Sunderland in the same way I've stopped hating Birmingham and Wigan after he went (still not keen on Palace though) :)
Anyone that knows me will know I really can hold a grudge and after Wor Brucie slagged off the Hammers many years back I have detested this guy with a vengeance, so I am less than sorry he's been booted out again.
It will interesting to see which team I have to hate next? as no doubt like most failed useless managers he'll get another high paid job before the season is out.